Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
