Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
