I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
