she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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