I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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