There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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