i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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