i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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