we have pet lesbian snakes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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