actually, I'm a sock model
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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