How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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