somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
