I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
