is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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