I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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