We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
