i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
