Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
A bitchslap is in order.
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