AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
