Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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