So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
