In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
