Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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