Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
