you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
