this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
