just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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