That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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