i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
