once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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