I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
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did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize