I wish I could teleport
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
