My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
