I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
