So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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