i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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