when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
