After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
