i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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