it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize