I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
