like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
