He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
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And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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