she looked like the before picture.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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