I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
