I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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