I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
