I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
