I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
