the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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