FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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