ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
