I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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