my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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