mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm like, not good at living.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
