he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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