just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
