I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize