JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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