Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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