oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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