hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
