took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
