I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i think i just lost a toe
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
