She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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