I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
