she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
