And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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