im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
