When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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